Coping With “Bad” Bosses

After last month’s Newsletter on Real Leadership, I received emails and phone calls asking for advice. One telephone call from an old friend in Texas I had coached some years ago didn’t even start with "Hi! How are you?" It started with, "What if ____ (his boss) isn’t really a leader, as you described it? How do I handle that?'

Before I met his boss, he had been described, interestingly, as a “bad leader.” After I first met him, I just saw him as an interesting person. As I continued my coaching assignment, by various accounts, he was described as not-a-nice person. Aside being a micromanager and unrealistically demanding, he was seen as uncaring, abrasive, insensitive and inflexible My friend continued, "____ is a real trip! Yesterday, after he twisted my arm rationalizing why he’d changed his mind I find out he’d promised the money to ___ in R&D! That isn’t leadership, is it? I heard myself saying, "It depends," and before the s in depends ended, I heard on the phone an ear- piercing,'Whaaat!?'

I asked my old friend if he had used the 7 Guidelines for Surviving Work (7GSW). After a long pause, he said he remembered we had talked about them back then but hadn’t used them.

The 7 Guidelines for Surviving Work

1. Identify What You Are Really Dealing With. There are tough bosses who are gruff, demand a lot, and have little patience for substandard performance. But they’re not heartless, callous, or thoughtless. They may micromanage, but see it as lending expertise, ideas, experience, and even just-in-time leadership. If this is the situation, a frank Adult Conversation about your concerns usually improves things. Then, there are those who mistreat, demean, scream, yell and humiliate others to make them feel incompetent and subordinate. If this is the case, proceed to the 2nd Guideline.

2. Take Some Time Off. Working in a toxic setting is one the top stressors in life, especially if the problem is a bad boss. The health problems created by stress, the impact on family life, and the erosion of self-esteem are nearly legendary.

Take a week off to relax, to appreciate the good things in life, enjoy your family, and think. Think of a conversation you may have with the boss and visualize a favorable outcome. Think of things you can do to perform better. Think options.

3. Don’t Let Up On Your Performance. If you allow yourself to generate resentment in the way you feel about the company and its apparent tolerance of these behaviors, your output will suffer. This will motivate the boss to further engage in the behavior. Ultimately, the boss wins and you lose. Doing your very best at work every single day will win over the bad boss or outlive him.

4. Document Things. Keep records of the boss’ behaviors and its consequences on productivity, morale, etc. Note actions towards you or others, including dates, times, places, people involved, circumstances, etc. Note behaviors observed, and not conclusions drawn.Note your response (or others’) to the situation.

5. Muster Courage & Challenge The Situation. Even the worst of bosses have a good window of time to talk. Set up a meeting and address your concern using Adult Conversation Skills Don’t challenge the boss, just question the behaviors. Keep your emotions in check, talk calmly, and focus on trying to understand the boss’ point of view. Accept that there may be legitimacy for the boss’ intent and talk about alternative behaviors you can respond to better.

6. Seek Help and Counsel. Ask colleagues who seem to survive the environment for coping skills. If Guideline #5 produced little or no results, or if the situation continues or escalates, let HR know of the situation and solicit their advice. Bring your documentation.

7. Work On Your Exit Strategy. If the previous Guidelines do not produce a change and your stress levels are too much, plan your next move. Update your résumé. Consult HR for assistance in locating other positions or locations within the company if you are vested and want to stay with the company. Discretely get referrals and contact reputable head hunters. Contact friends or trusted acquaintances for inside information about opportunities at their work. And when ready, leave peacefully and unceremoniously, never burning bridges behind.